The Most Awesome Amazing Stupendous Way To Have The Perfect Poker Face

Rejected titles for this post:

  • How Having A Good Poker Face Saved My Life
  • The Day I Almost Died
  • I Am Not Ashamed For What I Did (Or May Be I Am)

How do you get the perfect poker face? How can you have an expressionless face to get an upper hand over your opponents at poker…or even at life? Well, you can find countless articles on the internet that will give you some great tips to get that ‘poker face’ plastered on…well…your face!

poker face

So I am just going to skip all that and get to the ‘Most Awesome Amazing Stupendous Way to Have the Perfect Poker F¬¬ace’.

poker face

The ‘Poke-Her’ Face

I started playing online poker while I was at college and eventually made the shift to live poker. It was during this time that I got obsessed with the emotionless ‘Poker Face’. So I hit the internet and read everything available online, took a lot of notes and spent hours in front of the mirror practicing my poker face. But for some reason I could never perfect it. Until the day it happened.

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The Day It Happened

I was living with my girlfriend at the time and she was a really sweet girl unless you pissed her off. And with my sad luck, I frequently managed to do just that.

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I was late for work that day and my girlfriend was out of town for the week. As usual I woke up late after a long night of playing online poker. So I rushed through everything and zoomed through the closet to find my formals. And that’s when it happened. In the process of ‘zooming through’ I tore up my girlfriend’s favorite dress. I mean literally shredded it to pieces. YIKES!

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Fear Engulfed Me

As I felt fear cringing up my entire body the reality of what I had done dawned on me. I shivered in anticipation of how she would kill me for what I did to her favorite dress. And I wasn’t really planning on dying yet. So I did what any sensible adult man would do. I hid the dress in a drawer and locked it up good and threw away the key.

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She Was Back

Few days passed and my girlfriend came back home. By God’s sweet grace she did not notice her favorite dress missing for the first few days (she had a lot of clothes. And I mean A LOT!) But then the day was finally here. She stood in front of me and asked me “Where the hell is my dress?”

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I sat on my couch with the same fear engulfing me into darkness and that’s when I saw my face in the mirror…my guilt covered face. I knew I had to do something about it else she would know it was me! The Poker Face! My savior!

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Getting My Game Face On

It was time to put all my knowledge to use now. I scanned through my mind for all things I had read and started applying the steps.

Step 1: Keep Your Face Relaxed

Your expressions and reactions will reveal your hands and cost you the game (or your life). Keep emotions in check.
I mustered courage from the deepest corners of my sinking heart, checked my fear and put my game face on.

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Step 2: Maintain Eye Contact

By maintaining eye contact you can gain an edge over your opponent and appear intimidating & confident. Locking eyes proves you have nothing to hide.

Right! I looked deep into her eyes and replied with confidence that I didn’t know what she was talking about. But she knew me well. She knew I had something to do with it. As she stood in front of me with her hands aggressively placed on her waist. I could feel my mouth shaking with pure fear.

poker face

Step 3: Keep Your Jaw Relaxed

Your face muscles are mainly supported by your mouth. Create space between your teeth and relax your jaw. Avoid showing your teeth (or it could get broken).

I breathed out softly, relaxed my jaw and pretended to remember some other dress. But she was in no mood for games. I could feel a chill run down my spine.

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Step 4: Relax Your Posture

Breathe deeply and let your shoulders settle in a straight position. Shake your tense limbs.

I sat up straight in a proper posture so that my anxiety was not revealed in any way. I cracked my knuckles and kept tapping my fingers.

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Step 5: Avoid Fidgeting

Whether nervous or excited, do not twitch your fingers. Avoid adjusting clothes or fidgeting.
Still she stood there staring deep into my tortured soul like the Grim Reaper waiting for me to spill out the hideous truth. I could not maintain eye contact anymore as I started blinking rapidly.

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Step 6: Wear Sunglasses

Sunglasses conceal your eyes and prevent you from giving away any secrets. Concealing your eyes will help you conceal your hands (and the truth).

My sunglasses were nowhere to be found nearby so I picked up her sunglasses from the table and put them on. “What are you doing? Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked. I stood still with my face as blank and devoid of any expression as possible.

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Step 7: Speak In a Neutral Voice

Your voice can reveal emotions. Clear throat and do not quiver while speaking. Speak in a balanced even tone.
I breathed out and replied it was just my normal face & I didn’t know where her dress was. That’s when I realized I had mastered the art of the ‘Poker Face’. She interrogated me for the next few days about the dress. She knew I had to do something with it. But without any clue of my crime and my perfect poker face, I got off scot free.

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And Then I Lived

Well, eventually I told her the truth and what happened next is clearly none of your business (I got scolded. What else do you expect?)

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But things turned out great with her becoming my fiancé and me getting the chance to making it up to her for the rest of my life. And I got to develop the perfect poker face along the way. True story!

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So there you have it. The ‘most awesome amazing stupendous way to have the perfect poker face’. Simply destroy something that your girl loves and you will know how to have a good poker face to save your life. Just kidding!

Let me know if your poker face has ever saved your life. Comment away!

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